So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
