Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
