she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
