the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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