she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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