There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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