jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize