just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
