just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
