Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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