sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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