We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
