You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
