Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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