You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
