god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
