Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wanna go halves on a baby?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
