i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
