we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
