I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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