I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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