But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
