I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
40s are totally the cure
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
