puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
