If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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