even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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