State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
