dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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