That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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