i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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