she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
