It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
