There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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