you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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