Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
