if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
