her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
