i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want her autograph on my taint
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize