She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
