I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
