you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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