i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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