I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
