'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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