We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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