Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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