when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
