Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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