"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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