smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
