omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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