sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
