I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
