As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
