This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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