all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize