I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
