Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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