dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
