You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
