She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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