if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
