Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
