can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
