we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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