I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
