either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
