My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
