How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize