also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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