What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
two words: eviction party
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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