Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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