my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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