Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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