Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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