My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
