So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
