Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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