She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
