Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize