brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
