Only a mothe r could love this liver
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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