you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drake has all the answers
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
