I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bring me that man meat
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize