you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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