so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
