Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
