well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
