I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
