I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
